Spring in Bavaria

All men are pigs?

We hadn´t see us for one week, last weekend he called me 3 o´clock in the morning and asked me if I want to come to a party not far away from my home. My first answer was no, but he asked and asked, so I went to this party. He was absolutly drunk and I was angry about myself. 6 o´clock in the morning the rest of the party people moved to the neighbours basement, I think it was 9 o´clock in the morning when he and I left the basement for the last. We went to his home, had a last glass of red wine and went to sleep. Some hours later I was sitting in his bed with his watch in my hands, I asked him if this clock works correctly. He said yes. Fuck, it was 2 o´clock and I had to be in work since 15 minutes. The second time in two weeks where I´m to late. He gave me his phone and I called my boss. I always thought: Where is the hole in the floor? I want to fall in it. I was sitting on his bed and his hands touched my back, he was so nice. When I left his flat he layed his armes around me. After this I went ashamed to work.

Monday... My boss is calling me: We have to speak together tomorrow in the morning. It´s the second time you came to late. I said okay. In my break I called him what I´ve to say her now. He made the suggestion to say her that I was ill and spoke with the toilette.

Monday evening... I wrote hime a message that I met my boss earlier and told her what he said. He wrote back that he´s glad to hear this. Otherwise he wrote that he´s not good for me, I´ve to concentrate to my job and he makes a end with us now. I wrote back that I´ve the right to know why he can´t leave his girlfriend, if she is pregnant or if they marry. The answer: Right. My answer: Why couldn´t you say it to me earlier? You know what for an asshole you are? I got no answer back. So I went to his home because I want to hit his stupid ass. I wrote him a message for opening the door, but the door was closed forever. So I went back to my bed. All my love was away...

Tuesday: I went to work, what for a day. I felt terrible. When I was at home my telephone rings, he called from work and he was very loud: Susann, never make this like yesterday evening again, never call me or write a message again. I spoke with your boss and if you don´t accept this we´ll speak under 6 eyes. I´m your boss and I´ve the responsibility that you´re making a good job. Do you accept this?

I said a very skinny yes.

What for an ass, he called me in the night and his watch didn´t wake me up. Now I´m the bad girl.

I never called or wrote him again. My thoughts are by his pregnant girlfriend, I can´t believe it. When I imagine I´m pregnant and sitting at home and my boyfriend is every day on party and with other girls in the bed.... I hate him so much, if he said it for 4 weeks I never did all this things, I hadn´t to suffer so much.

posted by: Moosecow at 09:26 | link | comments |

How can I repair my heart?

It´s broken and I´m not able to think anything else. I make everyday about one hour sports to feel myself that I´m alive. Every muscle is hurting but it makes me feeling better.

Last sunday he wrote me a message it would be better for me and for him when we´ll stop this. Okay, we stopped this but I can´t stop my feelings. After my last relationship to a man I wasn´t able to feel anything, this is 3 years ago. Then he cames and droves me completly crazy. I´ve to think positive, I´m able to feel again but why in this way? Sometimes I hate my life.

I´m sitting about 500 km far away from home on my couch, no family or any good friends here. I know a lot of people but it´s not the same. When I need somebody to talk I go to my doctor. When I call my mom I always say I´m okay because I don´t want to make her any troubles. Nobody knows the truth. When I´m hang on today everybody would ask: Why? She was always a happy and smiling girl. Yes, I always smiling but not in my soul.

posted by: Moosecow at 10:10 | link | comments |

Black Thursday

Yesterday I drove completly crazy. This man is the biggest ass I ever met. He kisses me, say nice words and at the weekends he drives to his girlfriend. And I´m so stupid because I write him everyday and do everything to see him.

Yesterday I was on a birthday-party when we wrote together. He was in a pub with some other collegues. He wrote I have to come to the pub too. So I went by bike, without any light on it, to the pub. We talked about work and he did in a terrible way, if he met me for the first time. After the pub closed we went all to the basement of my neighbour. We had some beer and we were all a little bit drunk. I think it was 2 o´clock in the morning when he left the basement. Two minutes later I got a message that he his standing before my door. Me stupid Cow left the basement too, so he cames to me at home. We talked some minutes till we had a wordbattle. I said to him he has to go home now. But he didn´t go home. I was so crazy and hurted so I took 6 of my sleeping pills and went to bed. He lied next to me. I think I cried a little bit, than my brain was knocked out, I slept like a little baby and haven´t any memory of the last minutes.

But this is not the end of the story. I had to go to work at 06:45 o´clock in the morning. At 09:30 o´clock somebody rang at my door. I didn´t know where I am and who I am, so I went to the door and opened this. My next boss was standing before it and asked if everthing is okay. I told her I am okay. So she leaves and I had to go to work. But I wasn´t able, I had no leggs, I wasn´t able to go. So I called my boss again and told her the truth. I´m so ashamed about this story, I think tomorrow in the morning I will go with a red head to work.

Why didn´t this fucking ass wake me up? He went at home in the morning and he had the possibility to wake me up to the right time?

I slept the hole day and had a bath. What for a fucking day, I never will wake up with a smile again.

This guy can go to hell...

posted by: Moosecow at 14:34 | link | comments |

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